The Lowdown on Anal for KoTW

B&W Sexy Butt

B&W Sexy Butt
Source: zseeee / Pixabay

Kink of The Week: Anal

Can anal really be pleasurable? Absolutely, it can be amazing. When it’s done right anal opens up another world of opportunities in the bedroom.

Anal sex isn’t for everyone. Not everyone has to do it. But it seems to be increasingly popular these days and less of a taboo with more women and men openly discussing their anal sex-capades particularly online in forums and the like. Or reading about it on blogs like this one.

There was a time when I would have said no way, I’ll never do that, with an eww on the end for good measure. It wasn’t a taste I developed overnight but once I got the liking for it I never looked back. While anal isn’t something I do all that regularly, when I do I enjoy it, a lot.

Preparation

Cleanliness is a concern for some people when it comes to anal. There’s no denying that sometimes there’s a chance some poop may be a part of the experience. That can be avoided by preparing yourself. To do this it’s a good idea to go to the loo first and empty your bowels. Some people use enemas although that’s not really necessary and I’ve heard it can have health implications. Personally I’ve never done it. General hygiene is important to avoid any embarrassment. If you haven’t washed down there properly it can quickly ruin the moment so always have a quick wash first. Condoms are a good way to ensure you don’t come into contact with poo if you’re really worried about it and it is vital to practice safe sex, especially when it comes to anal.

Safe Sex

Anal sex is different to vaginal sex in numerous ways but one of the most important things to be aware of is the likelihood of STI’s being passed on or caught is greater with anal sex. This is because the lining of the anus is a fragile membrane much thinner than the skin inside a vagina and more prone to tearing, it can tear a tiny bit during intercourse without you even knowing it. For this reason using condoms is best unless you and your partner are exclusive and know each others STI status. Whether you practice anal or not it’s a good idea to get tested regularly if you’re sexually active. Safe sex is good sex as I like to say.

Now the safe sex reminder is done with I’ll go on. There is a right way and a wrong way to approach anal sex or play and the best way to go about it is slowly. Take your time and don’t expect to get full penetration or positions like you see in porn straight away. You may not be able to do anal doggy style for some time as your body needs to adjust to having the anus penetrated. You probably won’t be able to right away unless you have had some type of penetration anally before.  

Starting off

Ideally you should begin with something small like a finger and only after some arousal. I found toys to be useful in getting me ready, vibrators are great for speeding up the process of arousal and getting into it down there, anal is no different. In fact sometimes when I am just using a toy like a vibrator on my own I get the urge for anal. Ironically that’s when I probably want it the most, when it’s not available. Having said that, if you’re on your own there’s nothing wrong with using toys anally.

Toys

It’s important to know there’s toys that are specifically for anal use. They must have a flared base. This is extremely important as items can get “sucked” into the rectum resulting in real medical issues. Potentially needing an Emergency Room procedure to remove them. So make sure any toys you use for your butt aren’t able to go further than they are intended on going.

The shape of a butt plug is designed to stay in your butt while you have vaginal penetration or other types of intercourse or activity. Using a butt plug will help ready you for full penetration, you will know when you are ready. You can also get anal dildos or dildos which are suitable for anal use with the flared base.

Lubricants

Lube is also important for anal, use it and lots of it, as much as you need. Special anal lubes exist, they’re thicker in texture so they don’t absorb or dry out as fast. Never use any type of numbing lube on your bum, there’s a reason we have the pain receptors and you need to be able to feel if something is not right or you could end up doing some damage if you can’t feel it enough to stop.

If you don’t use lubricant it can become uncomfortable or painful as you don’t create the same amount of fluid in your buttocks as a vagina does and the skin or membrane on the inside is fragile, thin and prone to breakage. Lubricant helps things run more smoothly.

Penetration and Relaxation

Feeling relaxed enough is another part of achieving anal penetration. Try different positions, lying on your side can help you remain relaxed, everyone is going to be different. In that side position your partner can come in from behind you and you can control some of the depth and motion from there.

You may not need full penetration, always or ever. For some just a finger or small toy is all they need. It’s enough to stimulate the nerves in your anus which can trigger a pretty intense orgasm. I have heard its related to your g-spot but personally I think it feels like a different type of orgasm, more fully engulfing.

Sometimes after a small amount of play or a little bit of penetration your body may crave more. That’s how it should feel when you’re ready to take the plunge and receive anal sex. It shouldn’t be forced and if it is even then it will need to be a process for it to be pleasurable and not just painful.

The sphincters in your anus are used to holding things inside and not letting anything from outside in.

To fully enjoy anal you need to get past that point and be relaxed enough to take it in. Initially it can be uncomfortable but it shouldn’t hurt like hell, the discomfort should subside when you get to the right position. I’ve read there is two sphincter points so once you get past the first you then need to get past the second before you can fully engage in anal sex.

Often you won’t need lots of thrusting like you get with vaginal sex and a slower, smoother motion is more pleasurable. Sometimes just the insertion is enough to trigger orgasm, the same goes with taking it out again, it gets all those nerve endings and can end up making you cum just when you thought it was over (or just beginning.)

More types of Anal & Kinks

As you get more experience with anal you will know what pleases you and what you can handle. Some like fisting while others just like a finger or two inside. Sometimes anal stimulation externally is all that’s needed or wanted. Just as some people are very uncomfortable about their anus being touched at all.

Rimming has also grown in popularity of late and seems to be more of a normal activity. If you haven’t heard the term rimming refers to licking around the anus and even inside it but generally around the edge or the rim. It can be quite an intimate feeling as with any anal play it can bring a couple closer together.

Gaining experience with anal, for females can open up the possibility of another kink, double penetration, or two cocks at once. This can be achieved with toys and doesn’t necessarily need to involve another person unless all parties are agreed and consent to it then it’s also fine.

I can’t speak for males on how it feels to engage in anal sex. I know many men seem to want to give but seem almost scared at the thought of receiving. We know that having anal sex or being penetrated doesn’t make you gay and many straight men enjoy it, more and more seem to be engaging in anal for their own enjoyment. Stimulation of the prostate gland is said to arouse an intense response and can cause ejaculation. Men are becoming more able to explore themselves and their sexuality. If you feel like its something you’d like to try it, think about talking to your partner or finding one who would be a good fit with you whom you can talk to freely and discuss the idea of experimenting.

Pegging is a form of anal where one partner wears a strap-on dildo and proceeds to perform penetration on the other person anally. It seems to be growing in popularity as a kink. There’s many videos of pegging around if you’re interested in seeing more pegging action. There’s lots of anal porn around these days to get you in the mood or maybe help you decide if it’s not your thing. (Side note: Please remember to pay for your porn.)

So whether anal play or penetration is your thing or not your kink you have nothing to worry about. Just maintain safe practices and look after yourself, listen to your body’s cues and you should have some great times.

Safe Sane and Consensual fun equals pleasure for everyone

So there it is, there’s many ways to incorporate anal into your sex life, it doesn’t have to be full penetrative anal or it could be plus a bit more if you’re into it. Whatever you do ensure you so it safely with everyone involved consenting and you are likely in for a good time. Initially it can be hard for some to get over the stigma they’ve been raised with but once you’ve had a positive experience with anal it’s hard to look back. It is intense and can cause some mind blowing orgasms. It’s worth experimenting if you’re open to it and as I said earlier there is heaps of sex toys suitable for the job if you don’t have a willing partner or if you would like some additional fun when you’re playing.

Personally I love anal but I limit the amount of anal I have. Perhaps if i was more committed to doing my pelvic floor exercises I would be able to relax about doing it more often but everyone is individual and your choices are fine for you.

Nobody else has to live with the choices you make so just make the right ones for yourself,  including whether or not to have anal sex and how much or how often. If you decide it’s not for you that’s fine too there should be no shame with our choices in the bedroom so long as it’s all consensual and nobody gets hurt unwillingly. Safe, sane and consensual are the key factors in kinky play and BDSM and I think it would across the board in the bedroom, follow those guidelines and you will be free to explore your sexuality and enjoy every minute.

Have fun exploring, I’ll see you soon for another Kink of The Week.

The Postman; Wicked Wednesday #290 NSFW

Picture from Pixabay

The Postman
NSFW Erotic Fiction
Wicked Wednesday #290
Marathon theme

Picture from Pixabay
Photo courtesy of Rewrite27 / Pixabay

Claire was washing the dishes, part of her usual morning routine. Her blonde hair was still wet from taking a shower she would dry it after getting the kitchen done. Wearing a singlet and her undies she was comfortable and cool in the warm house and looked good, her legs were smooth and shaven. Looking down at the dishwater her hands were in, she felt a little disgusted at the murky colour of the water.

She’d had guests last night and the extra dishes made her wish the dishwasher was working. She glared at it, “stupid thing,” she muttered aloud to herself. Nobody else was home, Peter was away training for his marathon, the second he’d done in a few months. She was starting to feel neglected, his absence was beginning to annoy her. She was proud of him but didn’t expect him to be away from home so much of the time. Her needs weren’t getting met and she had been grumpy.

Thinking about it she wondered if hysteria was a real and not just made up, she sure had been frustrated lately and easily pissed off. Just thinking of how long it had been since she’d had sex made her think about sex, about him going down on her flicking his tongue over her hard clit, fingering her with his long fingers.
Mmmm she moaned subconsciously, shit she thought, I am frustrated. She hurried to finish the dishes.

Deciding to herself it was time to take matters into her own hands. Nobody else was around and she needed a release, even the decision to masturbate gave her a small taste of relief. Now she let her mind wander, the guy from the post office down the street was hot. She had noticed him a few times lately and seen him delivering her mail. She allowed herself to fantasize about him, when she thought about what James would think she just included him in her fantasy and imagined having a three-way with them both catering to her desires. She would love to have two men at once, her face serious now, was full of lust, wishful thinking. She pulled the plug from the sink and dried her hands on at tea towel.

Her body was needy, aching for some stimulation. She didn’t make it to the bedroom, just stood there next to the bench and let her hand roam. It slid under the thin fabric of her underwear down past the little tuft of hair to the bump she rubbed and let her fingers circle. She felt the moisture as her pussy tightened, her body was hungry she thought about the two men fucking her, one licking her while the other took her from behind.

Her fingers crept down reaching the warm, wetness, she ran her finger around the opening, teasing herself until she was sore. Letting her hand run smoothly further back she stroked the outside of her butt, pressing on the tight little hole that opened slightly at her touch. In her mind she would get fucked everywhere. Wondering what it would feel like to have them both at once made her hurt for it. She traced her finger back to her pussy and pushed it into herself getting it wet with a few strokes and pulling it out to rub herself again stroking the wetness all around as she went in and out rubbing herself up and down pausing at each end to give herself some relief.

Her clitoris was getting bigger and she needed more, realising she was holding on to the bench she lowered herself onto the cool tiles on the kitchen floor leaning her back against the cupboard door. She let her other hand explore, first feeling her breasts, stroking them one at a time, playing with her erect nipples, wishing she had someone to bite them. She let it sweep over her stomach down into her undies to take care of her throbbing mound, pressing and stroking, now hard her clit pulsed with pleasure. She continued fingering as deeply as she could, rubbing on her g-spot which was soft and smooth now she was so turned on. She knew she could cum at any moment. Both her hands were busy, moving fast, desperately trying to please herself.

She wished the postman would deliver her something right now, maybe he could smell the sex on her and would offer to join in. Ian was his name, she thought about Ian and Peter together both pushing in and out in unison working together to get her to climax. The thought of it was too much her hands started to move faster, the pressure growing. She pinched her hood with two fingers as they rubbed back and forth with the middle finger tickling the protruding hard clit. Her pussy was almost dripping she felt her pussy get wetter as she kept going. She finally worked up to a climax, her head pushed back against the cupboard door. Now she imagined her postie walking in at this moment seeing her on the floor with her hands in her stretched out undies and lifting her up to take her from behind.

“Ohhh mmm” she let out a moan and another one moving her hands with urgency she brought herself to orgasm moaning as her entire body clenched up and jolted with a spasm. She cried put loudly, letting it all go. Relief rushed over her like a warm wave. Snapping back to reality the feeling the coldness of the hard floor beneath her, she felt a little embarrassed about the position she was in.

“Beeeep” the doorbell rang. A deep voice called out to her, “Claire, are you home? I’ve got some mail for you”

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Whisper; Erotic Fiction for my first Wicked Wednesday


Whispers in the Club

The music blared so loud near the speaker, I couldn’t hear what was being said so I kept on dancing, in m own little world. When he first came toward me I felt uneasy, thinking not another sleeze. It’d been ages since I went out to let my hair down. I forgot the last time I’d been intimate it was so long ago. I wasn’t here to meet anyone, I only recently divorced. This was my night out, I was free and I’d decided to have fun.

He was moving closer to me, just a foot or so away, trying to make eye contact. I could smell his cologne, it was nice, he was pretty hot too. Fuck it, I figured and turned to him, moving my body sexily the beat. I gave him the eye, we got close enough to each other we were dancing together. His eyes were a gorgeous shade of blue, his angular jaw was handsome with some sexy stubble. He was striking actually, I wonder if he can see properly, why would he dance with me? I wondered.

I forced a smile up at him and stepped to get in sync with his dancing. I sensed the chemistry immediately. Something about him turned me on. The kind of pull that made me want to tear my clothes off. I didn’t think I still had a sex drive but it seemed the flame was being rekindled. By a stranger, in a nightclub. That’s not my style. I’m a school teacher, a mother, I’m supposed to be responsible and make adult decisions.

In that moment it was subconsciously decided, if I get the chance I’m going to fuck this guys brains out. Oh my god, did I really think that? He was looking at me, I think to myself, he can feel it too, it’s like he knows what I was thinking. He lent in toward me and yelled into my ear so I could hear him over the music, “Can I buy you a drink?” I felt his accent and deep voice reverberate into the core of me. I thought I might faint. Would I? With you anytime, I thought but said, “OK.” Not wanting too desperate. He took my hand and led me through the crowd over to the bar to order us both my favourite drink, bourbon and soda. Booths surrounded the bar, covered with black velvet curtains, some tied back to expose the seats.

I wondered about the possibilities. This isn’t like me, I kept chastising myself. I’m usually shy I would never have sex in a public place, but that’s what I was dreaming of. If I had a chance I let him have me and take my undies home as a souvenir. I can’t believe I’d be serious about this, he was talking when I snapped of my fantasy. “You want to sit there?” he said pointing to a booth. It was much quieter over here.

I remembered my friend left dancing and waved to show her I was alright and we went to find a seat. He sat down near me, his shoulder touching mine. I just about moaned, this guy had me horny with only a few words. I was ready him to take me, he had a smirk was imagining me naked, spread-eagle on his bed, like I was dreaming of now. It must be hormones because my head’s already there.

Then it occurred to me, what if he isn’t into me? The way he was smiling told me he at least was a bit interested, in what who knows? I must’ve been nearly panting because he seemed to be able to tell how bad I wanted him to take me. He turned toward me and bent his head down to my ear, I could feel his warm breath as he whispered “Shall I close the curtain?” Did I imagine the suggestive tone in his voice? I wasn’t sure what to do. Surely he wouldn’t want to do it in here. There was people everywhere. We were in public, I couldn’t actually… could I?

He shut the velvet curtain, grinning and said, “You look great,.” I blushed, “you seem tense, is everything OK?” I glanced down, I could see my shoes they were my sexy high heels. I looked up “sure, I’m fine,” I smiled nervously but genuinely. His eyes glistened with the cheekiest smile. He seemed like he was about to kiss me, “do you mind?” he asked, reaching for me, I didn’t answer I started to kiss him passionately. My body magnetised to him. We kissed passionately my skin tingled with the excitement of possibilities.

Desire overtook me with him so close. He put his hand on the back of my head to pull me closer we were both worked up. Our tongues explored one another’s, he touched my side and slowly  its way up to my breast he paused giving me time to stop. I didn’t, I was ready for this. Both our breathing was heavy, he clearly wanted me as much as I yearned for him. This was it and it felt amazing. He groped my breasts, my nipples stiffened under his fingertips through my thin clothes.

He shifted his touch to my thigh to lift my dress. “Can I have you, here, now?” he whispered again in my ear, it tickled and I shivered loving every minute. I guided his hand under my skirt to take off my underwear. He found the spot and rubbed it, gently at first then increasing the pressure until my hips were lifted, wanting more. Fingers slid into my pussy and  out again, stroking my clit before I tilted my pelvis upward so he entered me again.

I undid his jeans, he stood so I could pull them down to free his hard cock. He passed me a condom, I put it on with my mouth. I sucked it for a moment before he bent me over the seat. He pushed himself inside me easily. I was ready, quivering with anticipation. We were in a rush, not just because someone could walk in, we both wanted it. He thrust in and out, more quickly as his dick got harder. I could feel it throbbing, he was about to cum I struggled to keep quiet moaning softly as the pressure rose to a crescendo. He was banging against me with passion and urgency we were both ready. My legs managed to hold me up, shaking and my thighs clench up, I let myself breathe an go with it and. He grabbed my hips and pushed into me with a few groans, I felt him cum as his body jolted.

We were both breathless. I didn’t even know this guy and couldn’t believe what I just did with him or how exciting it was. I straightened my clothes and put my panties back on to finish my drink, my body still quivering I sat down to compose myself. He still had that cheeky grin as he asked my name.




wicked wednesday photo

Note on My First Wicked Wednesday Post

This is my first submission for Wicked Wednesday, a concept I came across ran by Rebel Notes Wicked Wednesday Blog where a prompt is given and either written posts or photographic pieces are linked back to Wicked Wednesday blog via the photo meme above where the other entries will also be posted.

I haven’t written much erotic fiction and I haven’t let anyone see my pretty lame attempts at it, other than my partner. So this is big for me, I’m nervous about sharing this. It’s probably the most explicit thing I’ve written here so far but that’s the idea. It’s also part of my goal to get more involved with the wider blogging community and to try out different writing styles. So here goes, I hope you enjoy.

Safe Sex; Prevention and Getting Tested

This post began when writing another one about being sex positive, it won’t go into detail about all the risks it’s just a friendly reminder about safe sex practices and the importance of them. It’s such an important topic that I thought it deserved a post of its own. 

There is many contraception techniques available but to this point there is only one really effective way to prevent most STI’s besides being chaste. Condoms (preferably used with lubricant,) are still the best way to prevent contracting a Sexually transmitted infection besides abstaining from sex all together.

There is quite a few infections and diseases that still run rampant where they are allowed to and young people are particularly at risk according to statistics. Other sub cultures may be more at risk due to certain practices but where possible, I believe the harm should always be minimized. Safe, sane and consensual are the basic guidelines for those who practice BDSM and this should be the case across the board. 

It bothers me that some people will try to avoid wearing condoms. Maybe they aren’t aware of the risks which is why education is so important. People say they don’t like to wear condoms for different reasons which is a worry. The discomfort of using a condom should be minimal if there is any at all, there shouldn’t be if it’s the correct size and put on properly. There is so many types of condoms available including super thin ones so your sensation isn’t dulled too much by wearing one. Despite popular belief condoms aren’t a one size fits all, you may need to buy a different size to regular for it to fit properly and be comfortable. I think the mild amount of apparent discomfort is a small price to pay compared to the potential pain catching an STI can cause.

There really is no excuse for not wearing a condom, especially with someone you only just met or began having sex with. Go with that old saying, “if it’s not on it’s not on.” Seriously. If you had seen some of the pictures I have seen of STI symptoms you would absolutely agree with me and I’m sure if you have had the unpleasant experience of catching an STI you would also agree and it is more common than people tend to think for someone to catch something from having sex especially unprotected sex. 

As for getting tested many people are afraid to go or worried it will be painful. The tests are generally pretty straight forward and take only a short amount of time so any discomfort will be over quickly and when compared to the discomfort and pain of actually having a STI, you will wish you got tested. Most tests can be done with a simple swab or urine sample but some require a blood test. If you get tested and something comes back abnormal your doctor should be able to guide you or you can locate your local sexual health or family planning centre for expert advice. I recommend getting tested at one of these specialist facilities which in many places are funded so they won’t cost too much and you get to deal with people who know what they are doing as they deal with sexual health issues daily. Now days many STI’s have treatments which are readily available and easy to access in many parts of the world. Some like chlamydia require a single dose of antibiotics. Other problems can be more difficult to treat which is why prevention is really better than cure. There is unfortunately still some viruses and diseases for which there is no real cure but there is treatment to help manage symptoms and improve quality of life. 

 Some of the STI’S that are most common include Chlamydia, which is really common and can’t always be detected without a test due to the fact some people show no symptoms. Syphilis is still a risk in today’s modern age as is Gonorrhea. Herpes and Warts are some of the more common STI’s and the virus stays in your body forever even after the flare up of symptoms has been treated you can still pass it on through aviral shedding. HIV and Hepatitis are also still around and without a condom you are putting yourself at risk of contracting any of these illnesses or infections. Condoms provide a barrier which gives you the best protection against that risk if you decide you want to have sex, which many of us do. Wearing condoms and getting regular tests especially after any contact that had a potential for transmission like unsafe sex or a broken condom are the best defence. They aren’t completely fool-proof but if condoms are used properly the risk is minimized greatly. Some skin to skin infections can get around condoms so it’s also a good idea to have a look down there and keep an eye out for anything unusual.

STI’s and other sexually transmitted diseases and bugs do not discriminate. They will infect a person who comes into contact with them at the first chance they get, that is how they survive by infecting their host, which in this case is us humans. They don’t look at a potential host and say ‘No, she’s too pretty for me to infect her.’ Or ‘Nah he has such a good job and he’s on the footy team let’s not infect him,’ they don’t think so all they are programmed to do is to survive and to reproduce by infecting new hosts. That is the case for viruses and bacteria as well as insects and microorganisms, most sexually transmitted infections in fact. Some affect our genitals but aren’t transmitted as such these can still cause problems. 

The topic of STI’S for me can cross over into a consent issue because often people aren’t forthcoming and honest about their sexual health status. In order to make an informed choice about whether you consent or not, you need know if your sexual partner or potential one, has an infection or disease. If you aren’t 100% sure then practice safe sex until you are which will require a visit to the doctor. You can not tell if someone has something just by looking at them or what your assumption is. Assuming is a dangerous game, especially when it comes to your sexual health. 

The best way to avoid dealing with these issues is to only practice safe sex and if you do have a slip up or a condom breaks then visit the doctor. It won’t take long to get checked out and chances are if you have caught something then getting on to it early will increase your chances of being able to treat it effectively and to treat most problems you do need a doctor. 

I don’t want to rave on about it because it’s quite simple really. Use protection. See the doctor. Or you could risk catching one of many infections or diseases then spreading them to everyone you have sex with just because you don’t like condoms or doctors. Or you could avoid having sex all together. I know what option I’d choose.

Remember: Safe sex is good sex.

Magic Touch Rapture Personal Massage Review

IMAG1096_1.jpg

Magic Touch Rapture

Awhile ago I purchased a Magic Touch Rapture so I figured I’d do a review here. It’s a great toy for under $50AUD. It’s a rechargeable personal vibrating personal massager which can be used on all parts of the body externally, including for sexual stimulation for both men and women.

It’s a great option for those looking to buy a toy on a budget that can be used easily by couples. They come in two colours, pink and purple (both favourites of mine,) my Rapture is a beautiful bright purple which I love, I don’t feel like it has to be hidden away like some other toys.

One thing I really like about it other than the cool colours is the shape, which is a perfect fit for the pelvic are either to massage the clitoris or the perineum or all around that area, it can be used for penetration either vaginal or anal if you want to use it like that. The look of it doesn’t automatically make one think that it’s a sex toy which can be great if you have kids that want to snoop around your bedroom.

Vibration wise its not super strong but strong enough you can even get stimulation through your underwear or clothes which is great, it’s not super jet powered but it is about what you’d expect for the size and price. The shape of it fits perfectly in the palm of your hand for easy use and manoeuvrability. There is 7 different modes settings which change the level of vibration and the rhythm.

I am a big fan of rechargeable toys as anyone who reads my blog will know, so that’s another bonus for this massager. Given the intensity of it, the battery life lasts quite awhile. At least up to several hours. Long enough for most people to reach climax although if you’re like me and it can take days you’d want to make sure you have it charged and ready for use by plugging it in after each use.

Being made from body safe material is important, the Rapture is made of medical grade silicone. It’s perfect for couples as well as solo play. It’s really rather quiet too which is always a bonus for me, I haven’t yet tested the noise levels but in a normal house it’s unlikely anyone in another room would be able to hear it and if they could and do come in it looks like a massager so you don’t have to feel embarrassed about it, you can say you were giving your shoulders a rub.

Magic Touch is quickly becoming a favourite brand of mine for innovative cost-effective toys that anyone can afford. I found this toy fun to play with and a bit of a novelty. I especially like using it with my partner during sex as it fits perfectly between us without getting in the way too much.

I wasn’t able to climax with the toy alone but I am extremely difficult to please and find it really hard to have an orgasm. It did help make sex more enjoyable which for me is about all I usually expect, i a toy can make me cum that makes it really special. Most people I’d imagine would find the vibration from this toy strong enough.

Features
Pros

  • Cost, cheap
  • Colors are great
  • Rechargeable
  • Made from body safe silicone
  • Waterproof
  • Relatively quiet
  • Shaped inconspicuously
  • 7 modes
  • Shape again because it fits so well around the pelvic region and down to the perineum.

Cons

  • Vibration is strong but not overly intense
  • I’m not sure how long the lifespan of the product would be I have had it for 6 months and it’s still going strong
  • Won’t suit everyone for penetration

Sex Positive, what does it mean?

​Defininitons of the term ‘Sex Positive,’
According to the Urban Dictionary the term Sex Positive has two meanings. The first one here is the definition that I’m interested in for this post, it’s a term I’ve come across lately that I think describes my attitude towards sexuality.

Sex Positive means:

“An approach to sex and human sexuality that embraces the full benefits of sexual interaction as healthy and uplifting, based upon the premise that sexual expression is good and healthy and that societal repression or control of the individual’s sex-drive is bad and unhealthy.”

It goes on to describe the way the sex positive community views sexual activity and sex education in a way that I strongly relate to and agree with.

“Sex Positive people advocate comprehensive sex education, because even in a free-sex utopia one must still be wary of sexually-transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies.”

I personally am all for sex provided it’s consensual and safe. Which implies that the people participating have some knowledge of safe sex, sadly this is not always the case which is what makes sex education so important. The topic of sex education is one reason I began this blog because in my opinion too many people aren’t educated on the matter. Both young and older people need to be reminded of the importance of safe sex and why we encourage practicing only safe sex.

The topic of safe sex brings me to the next definition the Urban Dictionary listed under the term. I think the way I’d originally (and wrongly,) interpreted the meaning of it was in this regard, that some HIV positive people openly have sex with non infected partners. The definition they have says;

“Continuing to engage in erotic behavior and continuing to pursue an active sex life despite having been infected with a sexually transmitted disease, the term usually refers to HIV.”

The second definition shown here (labelled as the 1st by the urban dictionary,) is rather concerning and to me highlights the reason why it’s essential for us to take responsibility for ourselves and practice safe sex.

Wikipedia have a more accurate description of the modern definition which goes a way to clearing up the above confusion. According to Wikipedia site they tell us this;

“Sex-positivity is “an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, encouraging sexual pleasure and experimentation”. The sex-positive movement advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement also advocates sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign”.[1] Part of its original use was in an effort to get rid of the frightening connotation that the term ‘positive’ had during the height of the AIDS epidemic. 


Being a term apparently coined by feminists (another word I am sometimes confused about as all women should be pro-women?) and as shown above there is some variations to what people will say is the exact meaning.
Being sex positive really means having an accepting attitude and an open mind towards sexual practices. It’s an understanding that just because you aren’t into something that someone else is that doesn’t make it bad.

People are into all sorts of things and if they aren’t hurting anyone and are all willing participants why should we judge them? Some people may be (and are,) discriminated against and stigmatized for participating in sexual activities that are considered outside the norm. Taking the sex positive approach means educating people about all areas of sex and sexuality, teaching them about acceptance. It involves having an open conversation around consent and what that means. (I have a post on this coming up soon too)

Judging adults for engaging in consensual sex of any type seems silly to me, why are we so bothered about what other people do in their bedrooms or other places for that matter?

My interpretation is that it’s an overall outlook or perception that involves being more open about sex and accepting of people and the choices they make about the types of sex they wish to have while encouraging them to take measures to do it safely. Taking this approach means educating people, ourselves firstly about all areas of sex and sexuality, including very importantly, consent and what that means.

After being brought up in a particular way deciding to become sex positive can be difficult and it will likely mean constantly checking in with yourself around your reactions and responses when sex is brought up in discussion. It means we have to question the way we were taught to think which is more of a process than an overnight decision.

Sex Positived Views and Education 

To practice safe sex one needs to be aware of the possible associated risks involved in sexual contact, the STI’S that exist, the possible means for transmission and ways to prevent them. This basically means being aware of the fact that bodily fluids can be transmitted during sex and even skin to skin contact can spread STI’s among other things. Knowing how to best prevent this from occurring and practicing it is safe sex. The best way to date is to use condoms (and to prevent pregnancy some type of contraception,) unless you are in a monogamous relationship with someone who you know is clear of any sexually transmitted infections. This means you and your partner must get tested.

For myself, having been a sex worker in the past, I am always surprised by people who don’t want to or won’t get tested when they are sexually active. I became used to getting regular tests done and do so diligently when I am not in a long term monogamous relationship like I am now. When our relationship began it took us both getting tested twice for me to feel comfortable having sex without condoms. I still got tested before my current relationship, even if I had only been practicing safe sex because condoms aren’t fool proof and there is still risks involved. I will still get tested every now and then as a precaution along with getting regular pap tests. I recommend others do the same. (I’m in the process of a post about safe sex, so that’s enough lecturing for now.)
Then there needs to be education around the possible risks associated with sexual activity and how best to prevent or minimize these harms. Education around pregnancy and STI’s should be available to everybody at a suitable age, it is important we teach our young people how to look after themselves and each other especially when they are beginning to form sexual (and non-sexual,) relationships. In my opinion this type of sex education should be available at all schools so every young person learns the facts about sex before they go out in the world and start doing it. Especially during a time when attitudes towards sexuality and sex are changing this education is more important than ever.

Many adults could benefit from some type of sex ed which was one of my reasons for starting this site, to help teach people what I have learned and to learn more to share that information with others because being educated can change people’s views and at this point in time many people are open to changing their views they just may need to get some facts to help them decide why. Gender is one issue that is currently changing in the way we view genders and how people identify with what gender they are, (there may be another post idea there,) but its not a straight forward topic as it was once considered to be.

Being open minded and sex positive

The times they are a changin’ and many forms reflect this with extra options for genders. Many countries have already taken the step to allow same sex marriages in a move that reflects popular public opinion. Australia recently had a plebiscite, or vote among its citizens about whether to legalize same sex marriage. It’s a shame it needed to come to that as there is already a large number of people living happily in all styles of relationships and not bothering anyone else so why we should be bothered with their sexuality is beyond me. We should be supportive of people in happy, loving relationships no matter what their gender is or roles they play.

We all need to be open minded and willing to learn in times like these, if we are to move forward and adapt to stay with the times. I am learning to use gender neutral terminology but may sometimes unwittingly slip back into practices that have been drilled into me since I was a child about gender roles and labels, I am trying to be more aware of this as I have learnt that some people find gender terms offensive and for very good reason if they don’t identify as being male or female.
I think being sex positive means you’re constantly evolving, and changing our ways of thinking that many of us were brought up with. Often the messages we were given, especially in religious households was (and is,) to feel guilty and negative about sex. Changing that way of thinking doesn’t happen overnight, it’s something we always need to be aware of, especially when the old ways of thinking automatically come back. Which does happen, none of us are perfect but if we make the choice to be open and positive towards sex we are taking the first step. Following that is the implementation of a new way of thinking, for many this doesn’t come as easily as we would like it to.
So from all this I learned a new term to describe myself and this blog, I am Sex Positive and what you just read was my brief take on what it means and what my opinion of what being sex positive means and  how I think it could impact people and society in general. I think I have always been sex positive but hadn’t used the term to describe myself until now.

Being sex positive should mean taking an overall positive approach to sex and sexuality bearing positive outcomes for the majority.

The only thing that should be negative about sex between consenting adults, should be the results of our STI testing.

 

Note the above is my opinion and views. I advise consulting with a health professional if you have any concerns or questions, ever. 

Magic Touch Sensor Bullet Review

I bought myself a Sensor Bullet the other day after being shown the touch function in the shop. I straight away wanted to try it out at home and decided I had to get it. I and was surprised at how powerful the little vibrator is. One of the first things I was impressed with when I opened the packaging was it comes with its own velvet drawstring bag for safe storage.

Magic Touch Sensor Bullet, Charger and Storage Bag

The really unique thing about this little toy is that is has a touch more which operates on touch and heat sensors, meaning it only vibrates when it’s making contact with your skin. I did notice that once it heated up a bit it took longer to turn off, I’m guessing that’s due to the heat sensors. I had fun just playing with it touching it to see the vibration turn on and off to begin with. But still this mode is perfect for if someone comes to visit while you’re in the middle of playing. It turns right off as soon as you stop. I’ve never had a toy like this one. It’s perfect travel size to fit in your handbag.

I love rechargeable vibrators, them not needing batteries is always a big plus. The worst thing to happen in the middle of a session is for the batteries to run out, especially when you have none at home. The Magic Touch takes around 3 hours to charge and gives you around 2 hours play time depending on the setting you’re using. Once it’s charged you can clean it and put it back away in its drawstring bag.

It also has a normal hand operated mode where you can control the settings and it stays on. You turn this on by holding the on/off button for 1.5seconds.

There’s a total of 10 different speeds and rhythm controls to experiment with, ranging in intensity of vibration and style of vibration meaning so there is something to suit everyone.

It’s really quiet too so nobody in the next room will know what you are up to when you’re using it and if they happen to interrupt you, the touch mode will save the day by turning off the moment you stop.

The toy is also “Shower Safe,” meaning it can’t be fully submersed in water but it can handle a bit of a splash which is also great for washing it and keeping it clean.

It’s made out of “high grade smooth silicone,” which is smooth to touch, the toy itself being a bullet is hard so it’s not flexible but it’s only small so this isn’t much of a drawback.

I love all things pink and purple so I’m in love with the colour of this little beauty. I think it will be one of my main go to toys from now on. With so many new toys coming out it can be hard to choose one and if you have a tight budget it’s even harder but this is one toy that won’t break the bank.

The smooth point is perfect for targeting the areas that you’d want the most stimulation it’s the right size to reach the g-spot on the right angle. It’s probably not the best toy for internal use and definitely not for anal play, only for playing around the entrance as it doesn’t have a flared base it can be dangerous. I will cover that in another post later.

All things considered this is a great little toy, a big improvement on a regular style bullet and is the perfect size to use with your partner.

For people on a budget this toy is a must have. For under $50 you get hours of enjoyment. I think it’s a great little investment.

Magic Touch Sensor Bullet

Review of CalExotics Red Hot Flare 

The red hot flare is a small silicone hypoallergenic vibrator with lots of good points. This small vibrator packs a punch for it’s size. The intensity of the vibration can be adjusted with 11settings.

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This toy is one of three in the range that all have different shaped tips to give a slightly different ‘tickler’ vibration. This one has two rabbit ear like ticklers at the end, which is ideal for clitoral stimulation as it fits snugly around the clitoris. Being so small it can be used during sex without getting in the way too much, which to me is a big plus.

One of the great things about this toy is it’s rechargeable but because its so small the USB, but being small and giving such strong vibrations, the battery life doesn’t last for long periods of time so it can only be used for up to 30 minutes on high speed and 3 hours on low. So it must be recharged after use, if you want it to be ready for next time. To charge fully it takes 2 and a half hours.

The silicone bullet like tickler is perfect for arousing different erogenous zones not just your clitoris. Try tickling your nipples and running it around your vulva, perineum and anus. You may even be able to reach your G-spot with this little beauty.

Being waterproof you can use it in the shower or bath and can use as much lube as you like.

I think this toy is perfect for anyone with a limited budget like myself that’s looking for a toy they can continue to use over and over without needing batteries.

It’s also great for couples and for a vibrator you can pack away snugly in your bag when you go away, being so quiet nobody has to know a thing, it even has a “travel lock,” function to stop it going off in your bag unexpectedly.
Pro’s

  • Small compact size
  • Waterproof
  • Rechargeable
  • Strong vibration
  • Really quiet
  • Ticklers
  • 11 Different modes
  • Great price, Value for money
  • Made from high quality silicone
  • Hypoallergenic

Cons 

  • Short battery life
  • You’ll find it hard to choose between the three types of vibrators in the range (not really a con, but I had to think of something.)

As you can see the pros far outweigh the con’s for this mini vibrating massager and the price is great at under $50 the hours of pleasure will be money well spent. If you decide to try it out, you won’t regret it.

I love my little pocket rocket it’s a red hot little flare!

BDSM Basics for Beginners.

Since 50 shades of grey BDSM is selling like, well, sex. And as we all know, sex sells. But what is it? And what is it about BDSM that has us all worked up?

I’m no expert by any stretch of the imagination but I do like the odd spanking and I rather enjoy being restrained by someone I trust.

So BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, yes they all fit there.

In case you don’t already know Sadism is getting off on someone else’s pain or inflicting pain on them and masochism is where you enjoy being hurt yourself. We all know what discipline is, or was back in the old days when people got caned at school for playing up. The domination and submission part of it refers to the roles people take on when they partake in BDSM, some people only like to be submissive others like to dominate and some like to change between the two roles and the spectrum in between.

So what is it exactly? Well to answer that question properly would take more than one post. Here we have a whole new world we could explore, so I’m only going to touch on the basics. BDSM is something consenting adults may choose to do, which to me means it’s not at all bad. In fact it can be very good, even the painful parts.

The beauty of it is you get to choose your limits or entrust someone else to know when you’ve reached your limit and have had enough. Also to answer the question of what BDSM is you would have to specify which part of it you are referring to as most people will have their preferences and enjoy either one aspect or more of BDSM. You’d be right to think that handcuffs and whips are for BDSM but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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There is a whole lot of sex toys and paraphernalia on the market right now to cater to the BDSM trend that Fifty shades seems to have hit off. But in all honesty to begin exploring BDSM you really don’t need all that fancy equipment.

You might like to invest in some once you know what you like but to begin with you just need yourself and a willing partner and together you can use your imagination. Experiment with being tied up or with spanking. Neither of these need anything special you wouldn’t already own, although if you get into it you might like to start buying some rope or restraints. Or perhaps you like to be spanked so you might try out some of the different whips that range from rather soft to heavy duty proper horse whips. I don’t recommend starting there but whatever floats your boat. You could just use a hand or a belt or some type of flat paddle like surface. Or you mightbe like many people and prefer to keep things ‘vanilla.’ Personally I like to try the different flavours and know the option is there if I choose to explore.

If you try it out you might begin to see what it is people like about BDSM. For me personally I find it hard to explain, even now my boyfriend knows I like to be spanked he still looks hesitant when I ask him and we only do it sometimes, so it’s like a special occasion for me when he gets the whip out. Having been in abusive relationships I can honestly say that BDSM to me is like the exact opposite of being abused. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are choosing or allowing the pain to occur. But it’s like that song, it’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.

Usually two or more parties agree on what they want to do or are willing to do and many will have a safe word for if things get a bit too much, the safeword is not “No,” although your partner for BDSM should know when no means no, but in the heat of the moment during consentual BDSM play the word No can have a double meaning so the safe word is there for when it really is too much and you need the other party to stop. BDSM isn’t just about pleather whips and silk ropes, there is some pretty full on things people will do to push themselves to the limit or to experience pleasure. There’s also ranges of BDSM toys and paraphernalia that resemble something from a medieval doctors surgery or even a real dungeon with cages and chains abounding. There now seems to be a surge in surgical steel and glass sex toys such as butt plugs and even rollers with spiked ends to prick the skin. To think that I was shocked when one ex told me he liked hot candle wax dripped onto his chest and well, elsewhere. That somehow seems tame to me now.

Before going whole hog tied into BDSM there is many publications and groups where you can learn from experienced teachers about what you’re doing and what to expect. A little tap on the bum at home is one thing but as I said in the beginning there is a whole world out there waiting if you wish to explore BDSM further but don’t go in uneducated. And no, sorry the 50 shades books and movies don’t constitute an education on the matter. In fact the BDSM community was at odds over the series with some stating that it was more abuse than real BDSM, which if you have seen the movies or read the books you will understand why they weren’t happy with how the crux of their community was portrayed.

I digress, my point was to make sure you know what you are doing before you jump in the deep end and get tied up with hard core BDSM, there is a strong chance you will get tied up too, if being a sub is your thing. So if you are interested do some searches, maybe buy a book about BDSM or go to a meeting or seminar ran by a fetish club. You’d be surprised how many there are, if you are a willing and ready student they say the teacher will appear. So if you continue on the path to BDSM goodluck to you.

I’m taking the long road personally, for now I’m happy to get my occasional spanking and hope my boyfriend will be ready  to use some wrist and ankle restraints soon. We may, one day see you at a workshop or in the sex shop buying the paddle I so desperately want.

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Sexting 

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I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for quite awhile now, during the time we’ve been together there’s been times where we had to be apart, for various reasons.

During these times I learned that he really enjoyed sexting. He even sent me my first real dick pic.

At first I was absolutely freaking and had no idea what to say in response to his pictures or to his request of a kinky message. I all of a sudden felt extremely shy, he does have a rather fabulous, large sexy cock so I managed to tell him I liked it. After that I choked. I had no idea what to say. I mean what do you say? “um that’s lovely bring it over here baby?”  No that isn’t really my style.

I thought about how to respond to his messages before I finally did, I even Googled how to ‘sext,’ and sexting tips.

One of the best tips I found spoke the obvious, it was to relax and not stress out about it too much.

To get in the mood I tried to think about what he likes so I thought back to the porn I’d been watching with him to get some ideas, but still, I had no idea what to say.

I ended up asking him to start me off with a theme and it turns out somewhere deep inside me was a naughty girl waiting for the opportunity to play. I just tried to remember that men are visual creatures then I tried to figure out what he wanted to hear and went from there, I wrote  When I wrote I wasn’t thinking of what his reaction would be other than turned on, so there wasn’t as much embarrassment.

We ended up messaging each other and coming up with some pretty full on stories, one about an orgy in an adult theater. A few weeks later we needed to book a motel room and he had me in an all male dorm with a group of men and me having to help haggle down the price of the room with the manager.

So I went from not knowing what to say to next level sexting, telling erotic fiction via text message. To think it could have been as simple as telling him what I wanted to do to him when he got home, I did do that too, we just went a little further with it and I am not ashamed to say, it was fun.

We both know the difference between fantasy and reality after having that talk several times, so after a bit of reassurance I could really get into it. I’m still just a beginner at sexting really, but that’s OK.
I’ve introduced him to other things in the way he has showed me how to watch porn again and message a whole new way. For the times when we are apart it’s the perfect place way to close the distance and have a bit of fun.

Some quick tips for sexting

  • Have fun and relax.
  • Think about what turns you on and write about that.
  • Try to be visual, describe what you are thinking of so the receiver of your message gets a visual picture.
  • Obviously only participate if you want to and if you do let yourself go wild you might really enjoy it.