BDSM Basics for Beginners.

Since 50 shades of grey BDSM is selling like, well, sex. And as we all know, sex sells. But what is it? And what is it about BDSM that has us all worked up?

I’m no expert by any stretch of the imagination but I do like the odd spanking and I rather enjoy being restrained by someone I trust.

So BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, yes they all fit there.

In case you don’t already know Sadism is getting off on someone else’s pain or inflicting pain on them and masochism is where you enjoy being hurt yourself. We all know what discipline is, or was back in the old days when people got caned at school for playing up. The domination and submission part of it refers to the roles people take on when they partake in BDSM, some people only like to be submissive others like to dominate and some like to change between the two roles and the spectrum in between.

So what is it exactly? Well to answer that question properly would take more than one post. Here we have a whole new world we could explore, so I’m only going to touch on the basics. BDSM is something consenting adults may choose to do, which to me means it’s not at all bad. In fact it can be very good, even the painful parts.

The beauty of it is you get to choose your limits or entrust someone else to know when you’ve reached your limit and have had enough. Also to answer the question of what BDSM is you would have to specify which part of it you are referring to as most people will have their preferences and enjoy either one aspect or more of BDSM. You’d be right to think that handcuffs and whips are for BDSM but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

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There is a whole lot of sex toys and paraphernalia on the market right now to cater to the BDSM trend that Fifty shades seems to have hit off. But in all honesty to begin exploring BDSM you really don’t need all that fancy equipment.

You might like to invest in some once you know what you like but to begin with you just need yourself and a willing partner and together you can use your imagination. Experiment with being tied up or with spanking. Neither of these need anything special you wouldn’t already own, although if you get into it you might like to start buying some rope or restraints. Or perhaps you like to be spanked so you might try out some of the different whips that range from rather soft to heavy duty proper horse whips. I don’t recommend starting there but whatever floats your boat. You could just use a hand or a belt or some type of flat paddle like surface. Or you mightbe like many people and prefer to keep things ‘vanilla.’ Personally I like to try the different flavours and know the option is there if I choose to explore.

If you try it out you might begin to see what it is people like about BDSM. For me personally I find it hard to explain, even now my boyfriend knows I like to be spanked he still looks hesitant when I ask him and we only do it sometimes, so it’s like a special occasion for me when he gets the whip out. Having been in abusive relationships I can honestly say that BDSM to me is like the exact opposite of being abused. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that you are choosing or allowing the pain to occur. But it’s like that song, it’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.

Usually two or more parties agree on what they want to do or are willing to do and many will have a safe word for if things get a bit too much, the safeword is not “No,” although your partner for BDSM should know when no means no, but in the heat of the moment during consentual BDSM play the word No can have a double meaning so the safe word is there for when it really is too much and you need the other party to stop. BDSM isn’t just about pleather whips and silk ropes, there is some pretty full on things people will do to push themselves to the limit or to experience pleasure. There’s also ranges of BDSM toys and paraphernalia that resemble something from a medieval doctors surgery or even a real dungeon with cages and chains abounding. There now seems to be a surge in surgical steel and glass sex toys such as butt plugs and even rollers with spiked ends to prick the skin. To think that I was shocked when one ex told me he liked hot candle wax dripped onto his chest and well, elsewhere. That somehow seems tame to me now.

Before going whole hog tied into BDSM there is many publications and groups where you can learn from experienced teachers about what you’re doing and what to expect. A little tap on the bum at home is one thing but as I said in the beginning there is a whole world out there waiting if you wish to explore BDSM further but don’t go in uneducated. And no, sorry the 50 shades books and movies don’t constitute an education on the matter. In fact the BDSM community was at odds over the series with some stating that it was more abuse than real BDSM, which if you have seen the movies or read the books you will understand why they weren’t happy with how the crux of their community was portrayed.

I digress, my point was to make sure you know what you are doing before you jump in the deep end and get tied up with hard core BDSM, there is a strong chance you will get tied up too, if being a sub is your thing. So if you are interested do some searches, maybe buy a book about BDSM or go to a meeting or seminar ran by a fetish club. You’d be surprised how many there are, if you are a willing and ready student they say the teacher will appear. So if you continue on the path to BDSM goodluck to you.

I’m taking the long road personally, for now I’m happy to get my occasional spanking and hope my boyfriend will be ready  to use some wrist and ankle restraints soon. We may, one day see you at a workshop or in the sex shop buying the paddle I so desperately want.

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