Kink of The Week: Anal
Can anal really be pleasurable? Absolutely, it can be amazing. When it’s done right anal opens up another world of opportunities in the bedroom.
Anal sex isn’t for everyone. Not everyone has to do it. But it seems to be increasingly popular these days and less of a taboo with more women and men openly discussing their anal sex-capades particularly online in forums and the like. Or reading about it on blogs like this one.
There was a time when I would have said no way, I’ll never do that, with an eww on the end for good measure. It wasn’t a taste I developed overnight but once I got the liking for it I never looked back. While anal isn’t something I do all that regularly, when I do I enjoy it, a lot.
Cleanliness is a concern for some people when it comes to anal. There’s no denying that sometimes there’s a chance some poop may be a part of the experience. That can be avoided by preparing yourself. To do this it’s a good idea to go to the loo first and empty your bowels. Some people use enemas although that’s not really necessary and I’ve heard it can have health implications. Personally I’ve never done it. General hygiene is important to avoid any embarrassment. If you haven’t washed down there properly it can quickly ruin the moment so always have a quick wash first. Condoms are a good way to ensure you don’t come into contact with poo if you’re really worried about it and it is vital to practice safe sex, especially when it comes to anal.
Anal sex is different to vaginal sex in numerous ways but one of the most important things to be aware of is the likelihood of STI’s being passed on or caught is greater with anal sex. This is because the lining of the anus is a fragile membrane much thinner than the skin inside a vagina and more prone to tearing, it can tear a tiny bit during intercourse without you even knowing it. For this reason using condoms is best unless you and your partner are exclusive and know each others STI status. Whether you practice anal or not it’s a good idea to get tested regularly if you’re sexually active. Safe sex is good sex as I like to say.
Now the safe sex reminder is done with I’ll go on. There is a right way and a wrong way to approach anal sex or play and the best way to go about it is slowly. Take your time and don’t expect to get full penetration or positions like you see in porn straight away. You may not be able to do anal doggy style for some time as your body needs to adjust to having the anus penetrated. You probably won’t be able to right away unless you have had some type of penetration anally before.
Ideally you should begin with something small like a finger and only after some arousal. I found toys to be useful in getting me ready, vibrators are great for speeding up the process of arousal and getting into it down there, anal is no different. In fact sometimes when I am just using a toy like a vibrator on my own I get the urge for anal. Ironically that’s when I probably want it the most, when it’s not available. Having said that, if you’re on your own there’s nothing wrong with using toys anally.
It’s important to know there’s toys that are specifically for anal use. They must have a flared base. This is extremely important as items can get “sucked” into the rectum resulting in real medical issues. Potentially needing an Emergency Room procedure to remove them. So make sure any toys you use for your butt aren’t able to go further than they are intended on going.
The shape of a butt plug is designed to stay in your butt while you have vaginal penetration or other types of intercourse or activity. Using a butt plug will help ready you for full penetration, you will know when you are ready. You can also get anal dildos or dildos which are suitable for anal use with the flared base.
Lube is also important for anal, use it and lots of it, as much as you need. Special anal lubes exist, they’re thicker in texture so they don’t absorb or dry out as fast. Never use any type of numbing lube on your bum, there’s a reason we have the pain receptors and you need to be able to feel if something is not right or you could end up doing some damage if you can’t feel it enough to stop.
If you don’t use lubricant it can become uncomfortable or painful as you don’t create the same amount of fluid in your buttocks as a vagina does and the skin or membrane on the inside is fragile, thin and prone to breakage. Lubricant helps things run more smoothly.
Penetration and Relaxation
Feeling relaxed enough is another part of achieving anal penetration. Try different positions, lying on your side can help you remain relaxed, everyone is going to be different. In that side position your partner can come in from behind you and you can control some of the depth and motion from there.
You may not need full penetration, always or ever. For some just a finger or small toy is all they need. It’s enough to stimulate the nerves in your anus which can trigger a pretty intense orgasm. I have heard its related to your g-spot but personally I think it feels like a different type of orgasm, more fully engulfing.
Sometimes after a small amount of play or a little bit of penetration your body may crave more. That’s how it should feel when you’re ready to take the plunge and receive anal sex. It shouldn’t be forced and if it is even then it will need to be a process for it to be pleasurable and not just painful.
The sphincters in your anus are used to holding things inside and not letting anything from outside in.
To fully enjoy anal you need to get past that point and be relaxed enough to take it in. Initially it can be uncomfortable but it shouldn’t hurt like hell, the discomfort should subside when you get to the right position. I’ve read there is two sphincter points so once you get past the first you then need to get past the second before you can fully engage in anal sex.
Often you won’t need lots of thrusting like you get with vaginal sex and a slower, smoother motion is more pleasurable. Sometimes just the insertion is enough to trigger orgasm, the same goes with taking it out again, it gets all those nerve endings and can end up making you cum just when you thought it was over (or just beginning.)
More types of Anal & Kinks
As you get more experience with anal you will know what pleases you and what you can handle. Some like fisting while others just like a finger or two inside. Sometimes anal stimulation externally is all that’s needed or wanted. Just as some people are very uncomfortable about their anus being touched at all.
Rimming has also grown in popularity of late and seems to be more of a normal activity. If you haven’t heard the term rimming refers to licking around the anus and even inside it but generally around the edge or the rim. It can be quite an intimate feeling as with any anal play it can bring a couple closer together.
Gaining experience with anal, for females can open up the possibility of another kink, double penetration, or two cocks at once. This can be achieved with toys and doesn’t necessarily need to involve another person unless all parties are agreed and consent to it then it’s also fine.
I can’t speak for males on how it feels to engage in anal sex. I know many men seem to want to give but seem almost scared at the thought of receiving. We know that having anal sex or being penetrated doesn’t make you gay and many straight men enjoy it, more and more seem to be engaging in anal for their own enjoyment. Stimulation of the prostate gland is said to arouse an intense response and can cause ejaculation. Men are becoming more able to explore themselves and their sexuality. If you feel like its something you’d like to try it, think about talking to your partner or finding one who would be a good fit with you whom you can talk to freely and discuss the idea of experimenting.
Pegging is a form of anal where one partner wears a strap-on dildo and proceeds to perform penetration on the other person anally. It seems to be growing in popularity as a kink. There’s many videos of pegging around if you’re interested in seeing more pegging action. There’s lots of anal porn around these days to get you in the mood or maybe help you decide if it’s not your thing. (Side note: Please remember to pay for your porn.)
So whether anal play or penetration is your thing or not your kink you have nothing to worry about. Just maintain safe practices and look after yourself, listen to your body’s cues and you should have some great times.
Safe Sane and Consensual fun equals pleasure for everyone
So there it is, there’s many ways to incorporate anal into your sex life, it doesn’t have to be full penetrative anal or it could be plus a bit more if you’re into it. Whatever you do ensure you so it safely with everyone involved consenting and you are likely in for a good time. Initially it can be hard for some to get over the stigma they’ve been raised with but once you’ve had a positive experience with anal it’s hard to look back. It is intense and can cause some mind blowing orgasms. It’s worth experimenting if you’re open to it and as I said earlier there is heaps of sex toys suitable for the job if you don’t have a willing partner or if you would like some additional fun when you’re playing.
Personally I love anal but I limit the amount of anal I have. Perhaps if i was more committed to doing my pelvic floor exercises I would be able to relax about doing it more often but everyone is individual and your choices are fine for you.
Nobody else has to live with the choices you make so just make the right ones for yourself, including whether or not to have anal sex and how much or how often. If you decide it’s not for you that’s fine too there should be no shame with our choices in the bedroom so long as it’s all consensual and nobody gets hurt unwillingly. Safe, sane and consensual are the key factors in kinky play and BDSM and I think it would across the board in the bedroom, follow those guidelines and you will be free to explore your sexuality and enjoy every minute.
Have fun exploring, I’ll see you soon for another Kink of The Week.