Where There’s Life There’s Hope

Where There is Life There is Hope
Where There is Life There is Hope
Where There is Life There is Hope

Wicked Wednesday

Trigger Warning Themes of abuse, suicide and drug use.

My Ex

I wasn’t going to share this story for wicked Wednesday, fearing it’s not wicked enough, but it’s a big part of who I am today and one of the experiences that has shaped me. Last week for Sex Talk Tuesday on twitter I referred to this experience which brought up some stuff for me so maybe it’s the right time to discuss the situation a little more.

I was going to tell a story about an ex I bumped into not long ago and spent the evening with, drinking which hurt my current partner and led me to decide I wouldn’t stay in contact with ex’s any longer. My current boyfriend teases me about how many ex’s I have so I probably could have come up with a different story this one however might give some insight into who I am and what I’ve been through, there’s nothing erotic about it but it has an important message for others out there.

There is one ex though who I will never be able to have contact with again. That’s what I’m going to tell you about today. He is no longer with us and the last time I saw him he split my forehead open, the look on his face as he walked out the door was a mixture of regret, fear and remorse. That look is the last thing I had to remember of him, and the fight that led up to it.

After my ex assaulted me, I left and went into a refuge. I’d tried to break it up many times, but he would always come back so I figured the best way was for me to leave. This was one of the times I tried to break up and that was what led to the assault, he felt rejected and knew that for once it was actually over for me. I couldn’t do it any longer.

We spent about 5 and a half years in an on again off again relationship, he spent most of the time we were together still seeing his ex-girlfriend which was hurtful and caused me a lot of trauma. Looking back I see that if I had cut ties the first time it would have prevented a lot of heartache for everyone. After the assault I left I stayed in refuge for 9 or 10 weeks, it was a tough time. To begin with they move you around a lot and you must be put in areas where you have no connections, so I went through the motions. He kept trying to ring me wanting to get back together.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been violent, but it was one of the worse times, so I had him charged. It took police awhile to find him, I ended up moving home on the same day they located him. He spent a few days on remand and was let out. When he got out he went back to his ex’s who he’d spent most of our relationship seeing behind my back, that was difficult for me to cope with. By this stage I was just glad he seemed to be getting on with his life and leaving me alone. I didn’t know what he had planned though.

A few days later I was contacted by a friend to tell me my ex was dead, he had overdosed. Nobody in his family told me, his ex who was with him when he died didn’t tell me the friend who did give me the news was thrilled to do so, thinking it was something I’d be happy about. Whatever we went through I couldn’t be happy that he was dead. I felt some guilt and even anger as I processed what had happened thinking that maybe he did it to hurt me, if that was the case it’s the ultimate act of domestic violence.

They suspected it was a suicide, after some investigation that was the finding that he had killed himself. We had a child together, so it was devastating and confusing on so many levels. His family blame me. They still see his ex, the one he used to take drugs with and who was there when he died but not me, it was my fault as far as they’re concerned. I went through a stage of thinking I should have just let it go when he hit me and maybe none of it would have happened, it might not have but the violence would have continued. I couldn’t let it, I’d copped so much from him over the years it had to stop somewhere.

There’s much more to the story I just told but the gist of it is there, if I had cut ties with my violent ex when it first got abusive we may have avoided the whole tragedy. The fact is that I wasn’t happy in the relationship and should have left it a long time ago.

I will never forget what happened and it will continue to affect me. On the night he died I had something come into my head that wouldn’t leave, “Where there is life there is hope,” I don’t know if that was his parting message, I’d like to think it was. I’ve used that quote quite a lot since then, it’s especially relevant to those who suffer mental illness, like I do or anyone having thoughts of suicide. There is always hope so long as we’re alive.

While we are alive we can always change things if we’re not happy with how they are. This includes relationships, we can end them or begin new ones, whatever it is that you want to do, do it now while you still have the chance.  I  hope his soul has found peace and knows  that I now forgive him for the hurt he caused me, I find it hard to forgive him for ending it all though, that is really difficult.

I’m sorry this post wasn’t erotic but it is an important event that had significant ramifications and affected many people. His children will now grow up without a father and it’s tragic. If you ever feel desperately sad or depressed just remember nothing lasts forever, “after every dark day a bright day comes after that.*”

<a href=”http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/” title=”Wicked Wednesday… a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked”><img src=”http://rebelsnotes.com/wickedwednesday/wp-content/uploads//2014/05/rainbowcircle1-150.png” alt=”Wicked Wednesday… a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked” title=”Wicked Wednesday… a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked” style=”border:none;” /></a>

*very true Tupac song lyrics from the song Unconditional Love

Sounds Like Mutual Masturbation

Listening ear

Masturbation Monday

I’ve been meaning to contribute to Masturbation Monday for quite some time. I’m glad to finally be able to join in and share a personal story about something that recently happened. So here it is, enjoy.

Listening ear

Sound like Mutual Masturbation

I experienced something out of the ordinary the other day. Afterwards I lay there laughing in pleasure and disbelief, my body still tingling. The happiness and satisfaction I felt in those moments, it was truly orgasmic – a moment of pure pleasure.

Many times I’ve listened to my lover’s voice and felt aroused by the sound of it and sometimes turned on by what was being said and hearing his voice moan in pleasure could make me do the same just from hearing it. If I get lucky and can feel the vibration of his voice, I’m in heaven. I didn’t realize the power it could have over me until now.

Usually I don’t cum, not easily anyway. It’s hard to explain so he gets left feeling that his amazing skills are unable to affect me. He gets me so close to orgasm I can’t believe my mind would be so cruel to stop me so far into it. It’s shitty and makes me feel double crap when I see he feels like he somehow failed. So moments like this one are particularly valuable.

So back to my story. This day it was hot, it’s Summer here and he was home from work. We had the fan pointed towards the bed and the blind shut to keep out the hot sun. To set the scene for you more I will explain what was happening.

It was a quiet day and all I could hear was the clicking and whooshing of the fan, the buzzing of my vibrator and the rattling coming from our fridge as it broke down there in the kitchen. Next to me, my boyfriend slept and his breathing felt comforting the occasional snore telling me he was still asleep.

He and I were spending time relaxing with each other before we’d had sex. After the sex we were both lying on the bed, him asleep and satisfied, myself not so much. As usual I hadn’t cum yet, so I was playing with one of my toys just lying there relaxed moving the vibrator around my pussy feeling in an absent minded manner. That is until he woke up. He saw me playing and immediately snapped. He began watching me as he started to play with himself.

Looking on as he played with himself was more enjoyable for me than I expected, he looked hot. Watching his pull up and down firmly holding his hard cock turned me on. The thought of it now turns me on he looks so great when he has his penis in his hand gripping it tightly with confidence and ownership, it looks so erotic and natural. It’s such a masculine vision, he seems so confident and hot in a position that is completely natural for him.

I wish I was watching him wank himself right now as I write about it and remember watching him satisfy himself while fantasizing. He is a sexy man that’s for sure. He keeps wanking at this point he seems to not want to do anything that could interfere with my mission, to make myself cum.

Then he does something new. He closes his eyes and starts to fantasize out loud, saying what he was thinking about. His fantasy included descriptions of what I was doing with or to him and orders to do other things like sucking his cock or “taking it all, like a good girl.” He has a great imagination and the scenarios he comes up with are always horny and much more hot than I can think up alone. At one point there was another male joining in with us.

This day his dirty talk gets me going, some of it’s downright filthy talk and I loved it! if anyone else had ever said the things he says sometimes I’d likely slap them.

But he gets me off in what sometimes seem like the strangest ways. Telling me what a dirty girl I was in his mind and watching him wank off in his imagination got me going increasingly by the moment. Our sexual energy rose so together. I didn’t expect myself to cum, as I usually don’t but as he kept going talking dirtier and dirtier, doing things in his mind I let myself join in on the ride of the fantasy with him.

Imagining myself doing all kinds of naughty things for him so he would praise me for being a good girl for sucking his cock right and taking it all. It sounded like he was enjoying himself and that I was pleasing him right.

He was saying things like, “Yeah that’s right, take it like a good girl,”

“you’re a naughty little girl aren’t you?”

“You love it don’t you?” and

“suck daddy’s cock, put it all in.” or “ooh yeah that’s the spot”

He lay there with his eyes shut imagining us doing all kinds of things, pulling himself off.

After watching him and listening intently for some time I let my head fall back on the pillow and just let myself go, listening to him and playing with myself at the same time. Our rhythms were both increasing as his rose, getting ready to climax. When he cums he doesn’t do it quietly, letting it all out and I love how I can hear his release every time especially when it’s a big one.

His fantasies were good enough that they did the trick for him. He let himself go, releasing the pent up tension letting out the first moan got me. By the time he finished moaning loudly and had cum all on his stomach something happened that I’m still surprised by.

The sound of his voice triggered me and I came too, at the exact time as he did. It felt unbelievable, I couldn’t control myself. I came for about a minute, maybe more. I hope next time I hear him enjoying himself like that I’m able to cum again, it was such an awesome experience. It was so unexpected I started giggling, feeling completely happy and relaxed but also surprised that his talking and the sound of him getting off is one of the things that’s actually made me cum.

That has to be the best mutual masturbation session ever.


Masturbation Monday Link
Masturbation Monday


The Postman; Wicked Wednesday #290 NSFW

Picture from Pixabay

The Postman
NSFW Erotic Fiction
Wicked Wednesday #290
Marathon theme

Picture from Pixabay
Photo courtesy of Rewrite27 / Pixabay

Claire was washing the dishes, part of her usual morning routine. Her blonde hair was still wet from taking a shower she would dry it after getting the kitchen done. Wearing a singlet and her undies she was comfortable and cool in the warm house and looked good, her legs were smooth and shaven. Looking down at the dishwater her hands were in, she felt a little disgusted at the murky colour of the water.

She’d had guests last night and the extra dishes made her wish the dishwasher was working. She glared at it, “stupid thing,” she muttered aloud to herself. Nobody else was home, Peter was away training for his marathon, the second he’d done in a few months. She was starting to feel neglected, his absence was beginning to annoy her. She was proud of him but didn’t expect him to be away from home so much of the time. Her needs weren’t getting met and she had been grumpy.

Thinking about it she wondered if hysteria was a real and not just made up, she sure had been frustrated lately and easily pissed off. Just thinking of how long it had been since she’d had sex made her think about sex, about him going down on her flicking his tongue over her hard clit, fingering her with his long fingers.
Mmmm she moaned subconsciously, shit she thought, I am frustrated. She hurried to finish the dishes.

Deciding to herself it was time to take matters into her own hands. Nobody else was around and she needed a release, even the decision to masturbate gave her a small taste of relief. Now she let her mind wander, the guy from the post office down the street was hot. She had noticed him a few times lately and seen him delivering her mail. She allowed herself to fantasize about him, when she thought about what James would think she just included him in her fantasy and imagined having a three-way with them both catering to her desires. She would love to have two men at once, her face serious now, was full of lust, wishful thinking. She pulled the plug from the sink and dried her hands on at tea towel.

Her body was needy, aching for some stimulation. She didn’t make it to the bedroom, just stood there next to the bench and let her hand roam. It slid under the thin fabric of her underwear down past the little tuft of hair to the bump she rubbed and let her fingers circle. She felt the moisture as her pussy tightened, her body was hungry she thought about the two men fucking her, one licking her while the other took her from behind.

Her fingers crept down reaching the warm, wetness, she ran her finger around the opening, teasing herself until she was sore. Letting her hand run smoothly further back she stroked the outside of her butt, pressing on the tight little hole that opened slightly at her touch. In her mind she would get fucked everywhere. Wondering what it would feel like to have them both at once made her hurt for it. She traced her finger back to her pussy and pushed it into herself getting it wet with a few strokes and pulling it out to rub herself again stroking the wetness all around as she went in and out rubbing herself up and down pausing at each end to give herself some relief.

Her clitoris was getting bigger and she needed more, realising she was holding on to the bench she lowered herself onto the cool tiles on the kitchen floor leaning her back against the cupboard door. She let her other hand explore, first feeling her breasts, stroking them one at a time, playing with her erect nipples, wishing she had someone to bite them. She let it sweep over her stomach down into her undies to take care of her throbbing mound, pressing and stroking, now hard her clit pulsed with pleasure. She continued fingering as deeply as she could, rubbing on her g-spot which was soft and smooth now she was so turned on. She knew she could cum at any moment. Both her hands were busy, moving fast, desperately trying to please herself.

She wished the postman would deliver her something right now, maybe he could smell the sex on her and would offer to join in. Ian was his name, she thought about Ian and Peter together both pushing in and out in unison working together to get her to climax. The thought of it was too much her hands started to move faster, the pressure growing. She pinched her hood with two fingers as they rubbed back and forth with the middle finger tickling the protruding hard clit. Her pussy was almost dripping she felt her pussy get wetter as she kept going. She finally worked up to a climax, her head pushed back against the cupboard door. Now she imagined her postie walking in at this moment seeing her on the floor with her hands in her stretched out undies and lifting her up to take her from behind.

“Ohhh mmm” she let out a moan and another one moving her hands with urgency she brought herself to orgasm moaning as her entire body clenched up and jolted with a spasm. She cried put loudly, letting it all go. Relief rushed over her like a warm wave. Snapping back to reality the feeling the coldness of the hard floor beneath her, she felt a little embarrassed about the position she was in.

“Beeeep” the doorbell rang. A deep voice called out to her, “Claire, are you home? I’ve got some mail for you”

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

My 1st ever Share our shit Saturday #SoSS

This week I am going to share with you some blogs that I’ve found to be useful as a newbie sex blogger. There’s some fantastic advice and resources out there for mainstream bloggers which can be just as useful but in the sex blogging community we have some amazing people who specnd a lot of time to make our blogging journeys a little bit easier and more fun. 

Some of the bloggers I am going to share about today run weekly ‘memes,’ which usually come with a prompt for those who’d like to join in. I’m sharing those because I have just this week started to join in with some of the memes. I first saw these on Twitter and when I looked into it I came across an old post from a well known sex blogger Cara Sutra. 

Sex blogging memes and resources for sex bloggers:

Cara Sutra

This link will take you to the introduction I had for sex blogging memes, while some of them no longer run as the post is quite old the information is still valuable and her site is amazing. Find out about sex blogging memes here and check out Cara Sutras site.

Click here to see Cara Sutras post on sex blogging memes

or here to see the main Cara Sutra site.

The Smutlancer

The next site I found had a library of information for new and old sex bloggers alike. I spent ages on The Smutlancer site this week after finding it in my search for information on these sex blogging memes. This site is an awesome resource for all niche sex bloggers, I highly reccomend you check it out.

Click here to see The Smutlancers post on sex blogging memes and building an audience.

And Click here for The Smutlancers homepage for a wealth of sex blogging information.

The Smutlancer site was created and is written by sex blogger and kink author Kayla Lords who not only has her own site but she also runs her own sex blogging meme challenge Masturbation Mondays. She must be a very busy woman indeed and she’s a fantastic writer. I look forward to reading more of jer work.

Mollys Daily Kiss

I couldn’t write about sex blogging memes without mentioning Mollys Daily Kiss, who runs several awesome sex blogging memes, including 

Sinful Sunday

Kink of the Week (another one I joined in with this week. You can find my post here)


And more memes, there’s something for everyone over at Molly’s Daily Kiss.

Rebel Notes

Erotic author Rebel Notes runs another popular sex blogging meme 

Wicked Wednesday where participants are given a theme to write about. I joined in this week and tried my hand at some erotic fiction and I look forward to being involved more in the future. You can read my first submission here

Rebel also runs:

The Menopause Diaries

The Oral Sex Project

And Sexy Searching

She also includes links to memes by others which I encourage you to check out if you’re interested in discovering more sex blogging meme fun.

That’s all from me this week

There is no doubt some I have missed here but this is the start of my journey and these are the blogs I discovered in the last few weeks. If you know of amy other sex blogging memes please contact me or comment below with a link to the site. Check out some of the links, there’s some great work by bloggers on all of them and some of them accept submissions by anyone, not just bloggers. 

Each meme has it’s own rules which usually include linking back to the original meme post so that your readers can see other peoples work, that’s what it’s all about here today, sharing. 

So go forth and explore what else the sex blogging community has to offer by searching for the #SoSS tag on twitter where others have Shared our Shit on Saturdays.

Thanks for reading.

Spitting, Kink of the Week

Kink of the Week: Spitting.

What is kink of the month?

So firstly what is all this about? What is Kink of the Month? If you hadn’t heard of it, it’s a blog “meme” for sex bloggers which gives us a prompt and a platform to share our work with a wider audience. There are quite a few of these memes and I hope to get involved with more of them. At the time of writing, this is my first attempt at joining in with one of these memes and I hope to participate more in future. So every few weeks there is a theme given, bloggers don’t have to stick to the theme but it’s a great starting point and to begin with I will be going with the flow and using the given prompt for each month that I join in. This month’s theme is “spitting.” This isn’t a topic I know much about so this will be a short post today. I really wanted to get involved in KOTW so I decided to post about it despite my limited knowledge.


How is spitting a Kink, I hear some of you ask? Well I can’t hear you, and maybe you aren’t asking but I have wondered about it myself.

I considered spitting as a kink, wondering what it is about spitting that turns some people on. For those who get it they probably understand it but for me personally, I’m not into spitting, so I looked into it further. My opinion is that a bit of saliva is normally going to be exchanged during sex or kissing but the act of spitting is different. Spitting on someone or being spat on isn’t something I enjoy doing or watching for that matter. 
I’ve been trying to understand what it is about spitting and it all relates back to sadomasochism. Which is a concept I don’t really know a whole lot about but it involves aspects of both sadism and masochism, which are inherent parts of BDSM. Sadism involved being aroused or enjoying Spitting is not for everyone and not everyone who practices BDSM is into spitting. Just as not is everyone who likes spitting into other BDSM elements. 

Spitting is considered to be an element of Sadomasochism, I am not an expert in the area but I’m learning about it and find it quite interesting. I relate to aspects of sadism and masochism, particularly spanking and rough play. But growing up I learned that spitting on someone, or even towards them was disrespectful, I still seem to carry that belief with me. I was taught, as were many of us in western society that it’s dirty and even disgusting. That’s actually the point for some people, it’s often what turns them on. 

It’s especially enjoyable for those who enjoy humiliation and objectification. 

I read that for some it’s also considered to be a really personal thing, a unique way of showing closeness and that’s what appeals to them. In some circumstances it’s a matter of making do and using spit as lube, seeing this seems to have it has an erotic effect on some people. 

The way the saliva is delivered affects the way it makes me feel, spitting is a rather evocative act. I have been spat on during sex unexpectedly and non-consensually, I didn’t enjoy it, I felt degraded which isn’t normally an enjoyable feeling for me. My reaction was immediate and the spitter got the idea quickly that I wasn’t into it. 

Power and dominance can be felt by the spitter or they can be perceived in that was just as feelings of submission and humiliation even degradation are involved for the person being spat on. For many fans of spitting, this is exactly the point. It’s an effective way to humiliate someone. Sometimes spitting can be mixed in with other forms of humiliation, like making someone suck on shoes or feet. It’s not uncommon in sadomasochism for the dominant to have the submissive lick their feet or shoes or give their stiletto heels oral slobbery sex. There are other ways spitting can be integrated with other fetishes, I won’t list them all here. 

Some of the most common types of spitting I have seen in porn involved spitting on someone during oral sex or while someone is tied like in bondage, even spitting into the other person’s mouth. Some people particularly enjoy sloppy oral sex with lots of spit involved and personally, I don’t mind a bit of that kind of action. It doesn’t have as much of a dominating feel about it if the saliva isn’t delivered by actual spitting, although it can still be considered an act of submission. 

The more I learn about the theories and aspects of BDSM the more I realize that many of the activities I enjoy are considered to be kinks. Most of us have them, if not all of us although some may be undiscovered. Everyone enjoys different things, unique to them. 

It doesn’t make something wrong just because you don’t like or understand it. So long as the participants are consenting it’s ok to enjoy your kinks, including spitting. Safe, sane and consensual are the main rules for BDSM and they are there for people’s safety and to allow people to play out their kinks in such a way that nobody is seriously hurt or affected by the acts. 

Spitting on someone and using saliva during sex are two very different things, in my opinion, it’s all about the way it’s done. I don’t mind being dominated, in fact, I like it but being spat on is not my kink and that’s fine. Just like it’s alright if it’s yours.